Mama's boy!

Normally, I would like to do a serious blog.... but today, the White Z had to be poured and the rant had to begin...   

     So, the other day I was watching the Steve Harvey Show and there was a segment on love and relationships. The couple who were shown were having an issue with the mother being too involved with their relationship. The couple had been married for 3 years and they loved each other completely though when any issues arise, the husband went straight to his mom to ask for what he insisted was 'insight' and 'support'. The wife's perspective was that he never discusses their issues with her, and she feels left out. More importantly, she describes a typical night being that he comes home, already on the phone with the mom, spends another few hours talking to her, then washes up and goes to bed, NEVER even saying hello or 'how are you' to his wife.. Now after some discussion, and of course a family therapist expert, you can tell that the mother seems to instigate the issue, and she still considers her son her baby. Though she seemed to understand that she needed to cut the umbilical cord finally. 

BUT!!!...But, But, But! The INSTANT the mother is serious and tells her son that he needs to confide in his wife, he starts crying. Not, the one tear cause this is a sad situation, but CROCODILE TEARS. Boy I wish I could find a snap shot of that episode cause this picture up theur is the only thing that comes close. (phonetical pronunciation of the word there for you grammar geeks). Steve Harvey says 'see, this man had been carrying all this conflict inside and he is stuck in the middle'. BUT!!! the man replies that his mother is the one who he feels closest to and who is he suppose to confide in if he doesn't have his mother? 
Well I just about died.  Because....
WHY THE HELL DID YOU GET MARRIED THEN!!

I Better be the only woman that you are confiding your issues with unless, you feel that you want a second opinion from another woman, or it is dealing with your relationships with me, and you are comfortable talking with your mother. But not for everything?!?! What am I to you then, your servant? The one who cooks and cleans but too dumb emotionally to discuss with you your thoughts? I am your WOMAN. The one you married and hopefully before you proposed, you figured out if you could talk to me. I mean what did you think was going to happen between us nightly. In between rounds in the bed we will be talking. MY thought is that something else is going on and it's not really the mother. I thought at first she was really instigating and covertly sabotaging the relationship, but I think that she is dealing with her baby boy, and acting like a co-dependent to his issues.  
I bet, if we take a look back at what is happening now with that couple, the relationship has either gotten worse, it has come out that he is really not happy with his wife/can't communicate with her/ whatever the case may be, or it has gotten better only because he has admitted to his issues and they have worked on it. Because ladies, WHAT grown MAN do you know has cried over not being able to talk with his mother for three hours a day? And because he wanted to.
I'll leave you with that question to ponder. I'll be back with another blog on a more calm subject but I needed to have my moment. Feel free to have a moment of your own and comment. Leave a question, a thought and it might be on the blog! If you would like to see the episode that I am discussing, you can try the Steve Harvey website, though I only found a link to a blog about the segment http://www.steveharveytv.com/episodes/steve-helps-a-wife-who-says-her-husband-is-a-mamas-boy/ you can also use this link to find out more of what time and channel the show is on if you are interested (he's pretty funny on the show)
Also, on youtube, I couldn't find the whole segment, though there is a 31 sec clip which can show you what I'm talking about.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9udWyxa87M

Sexy, but not wit cha mama......

To Know me is To Love Me

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
Soren Kierkegaard


To know the past, can help us to understand the future. May people don't understand that. The past can be hard to look at, but it's important, because we need to have that understanding in order to have a better tomorrow. Simply put, we tend to seek out individuals who we feel comfortable with in intimate relationships. Consciously, we don't see it, but take a second and think about the interaction that your significant other has told about themselves and their parents. Do you interact in the same way?
A girl I know discussed how the argument between her and her boyfriend would become so intense that they would end their relationship and she would begin the process of leaving, moving out. In an old email she read, she remembered that he told her how her parents would argue: his father would storm out, stating that he wasn't returning, yet would come back after several days. Something she definitely did not want to keep happening every other month.
The interactions we had as children between us and our parents, seem to continue today as adults. The theory is called Adult Attachment. So again, it's important to take a moment and think about our current relationships and what maybe happening that we disagree with or do not like. If you notice a pattern, then maybe, it's time to search for doing something different. But looking into the past may not be such a bad thing. You may find something that worked well, and can work for you. What does this mean? Generally, all the time, we come into a relationship with baggage of some sort, some heavy, long term trip, or some light, overnight. But are you willing to let the other person see it and help carry. Can you help carry that load and deal? This thought for another day.....

For more information, look up books on adult attachment theory, most specifically I like Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight, or new in publication: Attached, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.

Resurrection

Rebirth, renew, CHANGE, re-dedication. Though different, they remain similar in ideology. The idea that you come from one position, and do something different. Re-invent yourself. Most of the time, thoughts and ideas of change comes to us in times of need, or when we have hit rock bottom in our lives. From the loss of a job, a fallen idea, to loss of a relationship. We find strength in the prospect of changing for the better. Whatever our motivation is, as hard as it is, we like the idea of change and the promise of a better tomorrow that it brings.
What we don't understand is the difficulty of this change, and how through our own meditation and thorough research on our selves, can we reach this rebirth. A very unique southern town, you might know it by the name of New Orleans, used this as a moniker right after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina: RENew Orleans. Out of the flood waters the city rose up. Quite slowly might I add, but all the more appreciative of its beauty. I went just a month ago just to find a very different Bourbon Street. More restaurants, less 'gentlemen's clubs'. Shocked as I was, it meant a cleaner experience.
What does this have to do with a healthy relationship?? Whether it be with a child, a parent, friend, significant other, sibling, If we have to go through our own type of reinvention of ourselves, is that other person coming along for the ride? Is that other person supportive of you? Understanding what you have to do for yourself is an amazing first step, but understand what your support systems mean to you and how are they beneficial for your growth.  You don't want someone who will criticize your every step towards change, and you don't want someone there who doesn't want to help or understand the new you. If the couple dynamic has to change, that is an even more daunting task. You are asking not for just one person to change, but two people. Change for the individual may look different for each other and they are not on the same page. Can be a cause for difficulty. Priorities are a must. List them if you have to be structured for the change in your relationship, better to be prepared now rather than be stunned in the middle of making progress for change.  Outside of that, don't fear change, embrace the phoenix that you will become. I think I want to be a red one...